Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
