I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
