Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he puts the penis in happiness.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
