Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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