I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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