i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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