He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
