Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
