Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
