so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
