Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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