My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
