What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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