Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
