haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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