I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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