he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
