I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
