after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
