cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
