So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So much Jack, so little girl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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