This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
