I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
