so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
