im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
