Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
