I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
