i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
