Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
third nipple confirmed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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