they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
