Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He shit in the fireplace
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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