ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
