I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
