anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
