Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
