Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
