Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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