he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
