I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
