He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
