Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
