There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
