Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were trust falling into bushes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
