Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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