Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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