Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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