i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
