Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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