i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
