No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
