Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
