So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
a search helicopter?!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
