This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
