ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
