Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
