Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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