I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am midnight drunk by noon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
